


Paper-Thin

by likehandlingroses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (or as i prefer to call it: the homophobic storyline that shall not be named), Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Grindelwald, RIP to Rowling but i'm different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-05
Updated: 2019-09-05
Packaged: 2020-10-10 14:35:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20529635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likehandlingroses/pseuds/likehandlingroses
Summary: Elphias-- forced to explore the world without Albus--assumed he'd return home to a man ready to pick things up where they'd left them a year before.  Now, faced with an Albus who carries a weight he refuses to express, Elphias is no longer certain those plans will be enough.





	Paper-Thin

“We had an understanding when you left…” Albus said, avoiding Elphias’s gaze. “I didn’t want you to spend your travels feeling attached to anyone. It wouldn’t have been just, I thought...and you’d never have forgiven me for it, if you’d spent all those months feeling a phantom hand on your shoulder.”

Elphias sat back on the bed--propped up by his hands--and tried to quell the anxiety filling his chest. Had he waited too long to broach the subject? He’d held off as long as he could, out of respect for the tragedy that had befallen the Dumbledores...but Albus had looked at him a certain way at dinner, and Elphias couldn’t stand not knowing what it meant. 

“And that was well reasoned and fair and I agreed with you.” Elphias, failing at nonchalance, pushed off of his hands and leaned forward, brushing against Albus’s side. “I...well, to be perfectly frank with you, Albus, I followed the assignment to the letter.”

Albus almost smiled at him over his spectacles, but that could mean twelve dozen things. 

“Did you?”

Elphias was filled with a sudden wild urge to ask Albus if he’d made any such connections while Elphias had been away, but he stopped himself. It was a vulgar thing to ask him to admit to.

And besides...who would he have met shut-up in Godric’s Hollow? 

“But the truth is,” Elphias continued, pushing past his curiosity, “the whole time, I couldn’t stop thinking of you, of what we have. What we’ve always had. And I don’t believe I’ll ever find someone that I can love the same way I love you.” 

The flash of fear that crossed Albus’s eyes at the words was enough to make Elphias’s heart sink into his stomach. As the heat rose in his cheeks, he felt a wave of anger at Albus for letting him go on so ridiculously, when he’d known from the start what his own feelings were. 

“You’ve realized, haven’t you?” Elphias said, his voice shaking with self-contempt. “That I’m your inferior in every way, that you can have whoever you want, and there’s no need to pretend that an old school friend could make you happy?”

Albus’s eyebrows rose high on his forehead, and Elphias--who suddenly felt even smaller than he had a moment ago and for an entirely different reason--supposed Albus was about to reprimand him for taking such a crude view of the situation. However, no words came.

As the seconds passed, Elphias noticed a flickering fragility in Albus’s face, as if his stoic expression was bearing more weight than it could hold. 

Elphias only caught a glimpse of Albus’s face crumpling in on itself before Albus bolted off the bed and paced over to the window. The curtains were drawn, and he gripped the folds of material in his right hand, shaking with silent sobs. Elphias stood; he was well acquainted by now with Albus’s grief, yet he still paused before approaching his shuddering form. There was something dreadful in his posture, a sign of brokenness Elphias hadn’t yet encountered. 

It would be sheer madness to suggest that whatever he’d said had wounded Albus more than the deaths of his mother and sister, or had hurt him more than his brother’s senseless condemnation. 

But, Elphias supposed--placing a tentative hand on Albus shoulder--love affairs had a keen and effortlessly delicate way of slicing through parts of the heart, leaving behind a distinctive sting. 

“I’m sorry.” Elphias was comforted by the fact that Albus didn’t flinch at his hand moving from Albus’s shoulder to his cheek, then through his hair. “I only meant...of course, I’d understand if your feelings had changed. Whatever the reason.”

Albus shook his head, tears falling from the tip of his newly crooked nose as he dropped his head down almost to his chest before taking a deep, pained breath. He turned to Elphias, his hands coming up to grab Elphias’s face and press his forehead to his own. 

“Don’t,” he whispered, his thumb brushing across Elphias’s cheek before and after he kissed it. “Don’t say that you aren’t enough. I've never had that thought--not for a moment.” 

Elphias closed his eyes, taking in the warmth of Albus’s skin on his, breathing it into his being so that he might carry it with him always. Even if...

“Is there any chance?” he murmured, almost shutting his eyes again at the intensity of Albus’s own blue stare. 

Albus looked as sad as Elphias had ever seen him. 

“There is,” he said. “If you still wanted anything to do with--”

“--of course I do!” It took all he had not to kiss Albus straightaway. “How can you ask that?”

“It will be different…” Albus’s voice teetered like his face had a few minutes ago. As if the weight of the world were ready to tear through it. “And I’m afraid you won’t like it as much…”

“I love you,” Elphias said, and this time he did dare to press his lips against Albus’s, his eyes stinging with tears. “No matter where we go, no matter what happens.”

“I’ll give you everything I can,” Albus whispered against his lips, and Elphias could hear the tearing of that paper-thin veneer in his voice. “I promise. I don’t know what it will be worth to you, but I promise that as long as you want it, it’s yours.”

Elphias pulled back, brushing away the new tears on Albus’s face. “Then whatever’s the matter?”

Albus paled, though he didn’t look away from Elphias. “I know what I was prepared to give you a year ago, and it was so much more…”

Elphias didn’t dare ask why. He felt sure the heaviness of the answer would rip right through everything if he came any closer. 

“There’s nothing to be done about that, is there?” he said, attempting a smile. “We go on with what we have…”

Albus pulled away mid-kiss. 

“But if it isn’t enough…”

Elphias shook his head. “Nothing could be worse than saying goodbye to you.”

For better or worse, Albus never asked him to again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This fic is loosely based on Taylor Swift's "Death By A Thousand Cuts."


End file.
